Here it is!! Chapter two of my book, adult themes so be careful if you have younger audiences about, hope you enjoy, please comment either on the blog or on my Facebook wall :) ~marie
Chapter two
Flicking the
ash into the waste paper bin Manuel gazed at the newspaper folded on his knees. Damn it didn’t seem fair that one woman could
have tits like that and a face to match. She was plastered all over page three and
he could look at her all day for sure. Kelsey sure was a pretty name too.
Manuel sighed;
she wasn’t anything like Maria José his wife of fifteen years. Sure she had
been exotic when he had married her. But three babies later and she was looking
more and more like her mother every damn day. That thought alone made him
volunteer to do any overtime he could. That’s why he was here now. But he wasn’t
scared of no night shift.
The six
screens that moved between the different levels in the shopping centre flicked
over in a timed manner. They showed the greyscale view of a place now devoid of
people, the shop lights were dimmed and the halls were silent. Manual glanced
up now and again as the screens changed but nothing seemed out of place.
Turning the page reluctantly from Kelsey he focused his attention on the
football scores.
Real Madrid has
won the last six matches and Manuel scanned his eyes across the rather badly
written report of the match, his thoughts wandering back to Kelsey on page
three.
Above the
lights began to flicker slightly and Manuel looked up, his thick rubber torch
hung from his belt and he instinctively rested one hand on it as the lights
continued to pulse.
“Don’t be
having no power cut” he muttered and the lights seemed to respond, dimming once
more before they burned brightly again.
Manuel
stared at the screens, they flickered from scene to scene the same picture repeated
across the complex. All was quiet. It was time to make another coffee. Leaving
the screens behind he made his way to the small staff room making his coffee
extra strong in the cleanest cup he could find. Rooting around in the dirty cupboards
he found a half eaten packet of biscuits, they smelled alright, so he took them
too.
Leaving the kitchen
area he made his way back to the security room. Coming from somewhere in the darkness
at the bottom of the hall Manuel heard the faint whisper of a voice carry along
the dim corridor. Every hair stood up on his neck as his pace quickened the hot
coffee splashing on his uniform. Closing the door firmly he slid the lock across.
Shit man he thought sitting down on the seat.
His hand shook as he placed the coffee on the desk. The other security guys had
told him that there were spirits in the building but he had laughed along with
them, in the cold light of day, everything seemed funny, but that sound seemed
to trace a finger straight to his heart.
Closing his tired
eyes and rubbing his forehead Manuel looked up at the screens; all were
completely black except one. He sat staring at the screen puzzled at why they
were all off, he had not been trained in what to do if this happened, but
knowing his supervisor he would not welcome a 3am phone call. Standing up
Manuel began to hit the bank of screens, hoping they would flicker to life but
they remained black, completely devoid of anything except the frowning face of
Manuel that reflected back at him.
The middle
screen showed the fountain inside the food plaza, it seemed to have more static
on than normal, as if it was snowing. Manuel peered closer at the image; sure
he could see something moving amongst the snow and bad light.
Rubbing his
eyes he took a large gulp of the coffee feeling the burning as it entered his throat.
He hoped the caffeine burst would sharpen his eyesight. Returning to look at the
screen Manuel knew he was seeing something.
His eyes
widened as the young girl stepped from beneath the water that flowed endlessly in
the fountain. Her eyes were as black as coal and they seemed to hold Manuals
gaze. Every part of him longed to pull away but he was frozen, watching the
girl as she stepped over the lip of the fountain and began to walk float across
towards the camera as if she knew that Manuel was gripped with fear and unable
to break away from her gaze.
As she
nearly reached the camera the snow seemed to clear and Manuel began to shake in
fear, a terror that seemed to cause every muscle to move in his body.
The girl was
his lucita, his sweet baby daughter who had died in his arms three years ago. She
had locked eyes with him as she had left them all to be with Jesus and the holy
mother. She was dead! This couldn't be real.
Manuel felt
the sick rise in his throat as he continued to watch his daughter on the
screen.
He had to be
dreaming but he couldn't move to pinch himself, to wake himself up.
Lucita
continued to walk towards the camera until her face filled the screen. With a
steady slowness she began to open her mouth into a scream that filled every room
in the shopping centre. So loud was the howling scream of despair that it made
the walls shake, the floor tremble and the glass break in every window. The
mouth continued to scream until it covered the screen and then it flicked off
joining the others that reflected back Manuels white face, the tears streaming
down his cheeks.
As he fell
to the floor he screamed out into the empty room until his throat could utter
not one more sound. His nails piercing the palms of his hands until blood ran
on to the carpet beneath him.
When the
police found him, he was still laid on the floor all colour drained from his
face, babbling the same word over and over again
“El
fantasma, el fantasma, el fantasma”
OMG!! After spending about 10 min commenting on your book I went to publish and it said I wasnt signed in. I logged in and it was all gone!! So, here is my shortened version. I like it, would like to know what genre? Chapters seem short. May want to change Manual to Manuel, Emanuelle, or Manuelle. Manual reminded me of a pamphlet or small instruction booklet. Google search for Manual Lopez, Smith, and Rodriquez all returned either corrected versions of Manuel or another name ending with the last name and the word manual somewhere else in the description. other than that keep up the great work.
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ReplyDeleteHey Jerry, thanks for the comment.
ReplyDeleteYou were right so have changed the name, probably Word auto correct because I am sure it was Manuel when I wrote it!! However it was late and I am blaming my tired eyes. Thanks for pointing that out.
Much appreciated.
To tell you the truth I am unsure of a genre, but I guess I am leaning towards horror/thriller, this is an episode of free writing so I want to see where this book goes, what it evolves into. I am usually very structured in my writing so this man be a very sharp learning curve, that's is why helpful critique is welcomed
Another thrilling chapter! I have been waiting (in)patiently since last week and will be again until next. Other than that I do not really have any helpful words to give. Besides the line:...began to walk float across towards... which I think is something wrong with.. but as English is not my first language, I am not sure :-)
ReplyDeleteLoving it .not sure if mystery or thriller but it doesn't matter .can't wait for part 3 , keep up the good work Marie.
ReplyDeletechapter 2 was well worth waiting for--well done chic xx
ReplyDelete